The Ten Albums Challenge

I was never in the Marines but yet, having managed thus far to avoid becoming a Facebook registrant, I am among the few, the proud.  I have reservations about it, the same reservations that I'd guess even those of you on Facebook might have.

However, since I became a grandfather in 2013 it's been tempting to surrender and join society's majority.   For one thing, Facebook appears to be the main vehicle (with the possible addition of Instagram) for sharing kiddies' pictures with your "friends."  Ah, but there's that dreaded "F" word, "friends."  Think how embarrassing it would be to create a Facebook account and then admit to the world that your roster of friends totaled a measly 15.

In spite of this reticence I am not completely isolated from Facebook posts.  Momma Cuandito frequently alerts me to pictures of our kids and grandkids, posts from folks such as my former students or classmates, or particularly funny offerings, many of which target a certain politician of national renown.  In this age of sheltering in place, people have more time to spend on the internet, sometimes resorting to on-line games and virtual activities to replace the in-person social contact they are missing.

Earlier this month Star Tribune music writer Chris Riemenschneider wrote about a Facebook activity called the "Ten Albums Challenge.”  This enterprise entails a poster requiring a selected friend ("Friend # 1") to name ten albums which have influenced her taste in music.  Friend # 1 posts a picture of one album cover a day -- "no explanations, no reviews" -- for ten consecutive days.  With each such post Friend # 1 tags a friend ("Friend # 2"), thereupon challenging Friend # 2 to follow suit.  In effect, what you end up with is a sort of chain letter, and everyone I know hates chain letters. So do I.

Still, with time on my hands I find at least the first part of the Ten Albums Challenge intriguing, so I've compiled a list of what ten albums I would pick if I were on Facebook and one of my 15 friends invited me to play.  It is important to note what the Ten Albums Challenge is not:  It is not necessarily a call to list your ten favorite albums, nor are you being asked to name the ten albums which you consider the most important or greatest in the pop/rock era.  The exercise mostly has to do with influence.  Riemenschneider also points out "some participants make a point of choosing less obvious picks to tell a little bit more about themselves."  Why pick an album like Michael Jackson's Thriller or Pink Floyd's The Dark Side Of The Moon when thousands of other participants will do the same?

In order to suit my blogging purposes -- not to mention my dearth of techno proficiency -- I have tweaked Facebook's rules of engagement, to wit, in place of album cover photos without explanations, I am offering some textual tidbits for each of my selections.  The albums appear in chronological order.

1. Ella And Louis, Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong (Verve Records, 1956).  When I was eight years old my dad, The Marquis, brought home a hi fi record player.  It was a cherry wood four foot high piece of furniture with a turntable and a relatively large one-channel speaker.  He correctly figured, what good was a fancy record player without some records, so he also surprised us with six vinyl albums.  The one I played constantly was Ella And Louis, a blend of Ella's beautiful smooth voice with Louis' gravely singing, which was actually more like speaking. Good thing for him he was a premier trumpet player.  My two favorite tracks were Can't We Be Friends? and Irving Berlin's Isn't This A Lovely Day?  My family enjoyed this LP so much that the following year we bought the newly released Ella And Louis Again which contains my favorite song by them, Let's Call The Whole Thing Off, written by George and Ira Gershwin.

2. Christmas Sing-Along With Mitch, Mitch Miller And The Gang (Columbia Records, 1958).  Here is another favorite from my Libertyville days.  My parents always made a big deal out of Christmas, and my sister, Michele, and I were more than willing to go along.  By 1958 we had accumulated a number of traditional Christmas albums, but the one with which we had the most fun was Christmas Sing-Along With Mitch.  The unique feature of this LP was its inclusion of ten or twelve lyrics sheets which we individually used (as the title suggests) to sing along with Mitch and his joyous chorale.  You might say this was the precursor to karaoke.  Of the four of us, The Marquis was most in need of the assistance provided by the lyrics sheets.  He could never remember the lyrics to any song.  His version of Joy To The World included this opening line: "Joy to the world, and hear the angels sing, Arf! Arf!"

3. Surfin' U.S.A., The Beach Boys (Capitol Records, 1963).  It was the year before the British Invasion.  We were now living in Iowa.  For the last two years I had been working at my first real job selling shoes in a discount department store, a position the Marquis lined up for me by lying to the store manager about my age.  I had some money to spend.  It was time to buy my first album.  The two biggest American bands were the 4 Seasons and the Beach Boys.  The latter's surf sound was appealing to me, notwithstanding the fact that not only had I never surfed but I had never even seen an ocean (unless you count New York City's East River).  The first of the six Beach Boys singles to reach the Top 40 on the Billboard chart in 1963 was the title track from their second album, Surfin' U.S.A.  The B-side of the single was Shut Down, a race car song lasting only 1:49.  Despite its brevity, Shut Down got so much radio airplay that it charted independently, peaking at # 23.  Instead of spending one dollar buying the single '45 with the two hit sides, I splurged by purchasing the entire album for $4, the going LP price in those days.  That turned out to be a smart move as it enabled me to discover what is meant by a "deep cut."  Farmer's Daughter, never released as a single, was my favorite tune on the platter.

4. Meet The Beatles!, The Beatles (Capitol Records, 1964).  Including Meet The Beatles! undoubtedly runs afoul of Riemenschneider's admonition against picking an album which arguably deserves to be on every music fan's list of ten, but then how credible would it be to leave out the one album which meant the most to me throughout high school?  I have written before (March 10, 2014) about the mid-winter scene when I first moved to Minot in January 1964.  I can't overstate how the band impacted me.  The LP's release also coincided, more or less, with my drumming exploits.  I played along on my newly acquired kit with many of the Brit bands' albums and singles, but I kept coming back to this LP, practically wearing it out.  As a drummer, my favorite tracks were I Saw Her Standing There and It Won't Be Long.  Like many Beatles fans, I have purchased every album of theirs, read several books (including Lennon by Philip Norman) and even spent three days in Liverpool seeing the Fab Four sights (as recounted in my October 31 and November 12, 2016 posts).

5. Hear! Here!, The Hollies (Imperial Records, 1965).  While in high school I never thought there'd be another band to rival my affection for the Beatles.  Then I got to college and heard a South Bend band called the MRQ in concert in the Stepan Center (the "giant popcorn shaker," as labeled by Paul Stookey).  They were an incredibly talented quintet comprised of musicians not much older than I.  Their specialty was Hollies and Byrds songs which they played and sang to perfection, including three part harmony. The MRQ’s set list wasn't limited to just the hits, either.  After hearing these boys from The Bend, I absolutely had to have as much Hollies music as I could find.  Of the many Hollies LPs I accumulated over the years, Hear! Here!, the first one I bought, remains my favorite because almost every one of the twelve songs exhibits the supreme drumming chops of Bobby Elliott, my idol along with Foreigner's drummer, Dennis Elliott (no relation to my knowledge).  Unheralded deep cuts You Must Believe Me, a Curtis Mayfield cover, and I've Been Wrong are two I've played over a hundred times.  I have seen the Hollies three times in concert: once in their glory days at the Orpheum in downtown Minneapolis, once (if you can believe it) at the Burnsville Bowl, and in 2017 in their hometown, Manchester, England.

6. Greatest Hits, The Temptations (Gordy, 1966).  I have tried to avoid selecting greatest hits albums for my list, but must capitulate here for at least three reasons.  First, for many years the majority of albums in my collection were, in fact, greatest hits compilations.  It was a surefire way to save money and be assured that there would not be any (or much) filler in the track list.  Second, I love every single one of the twelve songs by the Temptin' Ts, my go-to group when I’m in the mood for Motown.  Since I Lost My Baby is my favorite.  I sing it on sunny days.  (Momma Cuan often leaves the room.)  Third, it gives me an opportunity to plug one of my earliest posts from February 6, 2012, Singing With The Temptations.  I had a chance to see The Tempts in South Bend, circa 1967.  They were only on stage for a half hour but it was perpetual motion.  There was no interlude between songs as they segued from one hit to another.  Silky smooth.

7. Eagles, The Eagles (Asylum, 1972).  Classic rock is my favorite genre, and what better example to use than the Eagles?  Their legion of fans worldwide numbers in the millions.  Most of those folks would probably select Their Greatest Hits 1971-1975 or Hotel California for purposes of the Ten Albums Challenge.  They rank respectively as the # 1 and # 3 best selling albums of all time in the United States.  However, I have chosen the Eagles’ first album, the eponymous Eagles, because it is directly associated with two favorite personal memories.  The first:  When our kids were in grade school we took a family road trip to Arizona with our friends, the Cipolles.  Our kids pleaded with us to allow them to ride in the Cipolles’ conversion van rather than our Plain Jane model.  On our way home the two families hooked up at a McDonald's in Winslow, Arizona.  Gina and Michael came up to me with exciting news.  "You wouldn't believe it.  Bob just played Take It Easy about six times in a row!"  Of course, that's the Eagles song which contains the famous lyric,  "Well I'm standin' on a corner in Winslow, Arizona."  Years later on our second trip through Winslow we went downtown where a sculpture commemorating that song appropriately stands on a corner.  The second: You might not have seen this on Entertainment Tonight, but in 1997 I made my karaoke debut in the hotel bar next to Mitchell Airport in Milwaukee.  I had been wanting to try my hand at karaoke for some time, but I lacked the courage to do so until I was far away from home.  I figured, "I'll never see these people again."  After downing a couple of PBRs I had my three minutes of fame.  The song I chose was Peaceful Easy Feeling which, along with Take It Easy, are on Eagles.

8.  The Big Chill, Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (Motown, 1983).  This selection is a perfect example of an entertaining movie (graded A- in my July 24, 2018 Quarterly Cinema Scan) partnering with an even more enjoyable soundtrack.  There are only ten tracks and it's almost impossible to pick a favorite.  (Okay, if you insist, Ain't Too Proud To Beg by the Temptations.)  For an extra added treat, couple this album with its successor released in 1984, More Songs From The Original Soundtrack.  An interesting tidbit is that neither album contains the Rolling Stones' You Can't Always Get What You Want, due to apparent licensing problems.  That is unfortunate mainly because one of the best scenes in the film is a funeral service in which the decedent's friend plays that song on the chapel’s organ at his request.  A Periolat family tradition, mirroring another scene in the movie, is to play the soundtrack as we are cleaning up after our Thanksgiving Day feast.

9.  Lost Highway, Bon Jovi (Island Records, 2007).  Listing my ten albums albums in chronological order -- a self-imposed rule -- puts me in a bind here.  I only have room for one more since I know with certainty what LP goes in the final slot.  As for the nine hole, do I go with Lost Highway or Jason Aldean's My Kinda Party?  The latter contains Fly Over States which has particular appeal for someone like me who has lived in five different midwestern states.  Do I need a country album to reflect my growing taste for that genre?  Perhaps Lost Highway, which was recorded in Nashville and reveals the New Jersey rockers infusing a country flavor, is close enough.  Bon Jovi has been a favorite of mine since the late eighties.  I play my homemade thirty song Bon Jovi mix all the time.  Tico Torres is a solid drummer whom I had the opportunity to watch closely when Momma Cuan and I had concert tickets which lined up directly to his side.  The highlight of Lost Highway is the finest "dad song" I've ever heard, Walk Like A Man.  For some unknown reason, that song only appears as a bonus track on the discs which were available in Target.  Whoever made that marketing decision must not be a dad.

10. Born In The Way, Luke Warm & The Cool Hands (2013).  Of all the live acts I've had the pleasure to see in person, L-Watch stands out for providing the most fun, having the most loyal multi-generational fan base, working hard at their blue grass craft, superb musicianship and creative song writing.  They have played in packed venues all over town, and elsewhere.  The atmosphere they create is electric.  It's hard to believe their talented lead guitarist, Michael, is related to me.  Since it's difficult for me to verbalize the sentiment, I hereby put it in writing for all to see: I am very proud of him.  I would be remiss if I did not also tip my hat to the other guys: multi-instrumentalist Charlie, guitarist JP, lead vocalist Matty, and none other than Luke Warm himself, my son-in-law and bassist, Uncle Luke.  They all deserve the success that has come their way.  Favorite tunes?  North American Pastoral is at the top of my list, but Fly The Coop and She Must Be Friends With Raccoons are not far behind.  The band's second album, 2016's What Makes You Happy?, is likewise a winner.  How could it not be when it includes the song Michael wrote for his two year old daughter, Winnie Jo? 

What The Hey? Thirty Questions From A Deep Thinker

Sheltering in place has given me a lot of time to ponder the great questions facing us as a society.  I am not "speaking" of world peace, medicine, law, economics, education or the arts.  For the time being I will leave those discussions in the hands of the specialists.  No, I am more of a generalist, and thus my queries cover a broad landscape.  Perhaps you know the answer to some of these.  If so, consider yourself blessed.  Meanwhile, my quest for knowledge continues.

_____

* When cowboys tie up their horses to a hitchin' post, why don't they make a knot instead of just twirling the rope around the post once?

* Why do politicians always have a cadre of people standing behind them at the lecturn during a speech?

* Why does CBS news anchor Norah O'Donnell refer to stories as "breaking news" even if the related event happened 10 hours ago?

* Why do people need to eat a $7 box of popcorn to get themselves through a two hour movie?  And why do the loudest chompers always sit directly behind me even in viewing rooms with 90% of the seats unoccupied?

*  Why is there no one universal source for finding and viewing old movies like there is for finding and listening to old music (e.g., via Spotify)?

_____

* Why don't Minnesota drivers know how to make a left turn?

* Why do North Dakota drivers at an intersection insist on recklessly pulling out in front of you but then drive 10 mph slower than the permitted speed?

* Why do Chicagoland drivers suck?

* Why do the fans and the band of a football team losing 35-0 sing and play "We Will Rock You" when they finally score a touchdown in the closing minutes?

*  Why is UFC legal?

_____

*  Why would anyone desire to take a boat cruise with 5,000 other passengers on board?

*  Why are people who've spent $50 to attend a baseball game willing to miss two innings so they can stand in a line to purchase a $10 beer?

*  Why do people sitting around a camp fire want to reposition a log when the fire is already perfectly burning?

*  Why do people in a restaurant ask the server to add ground pepper or grated parmesan cheese to their food before they have even taken a bite?

*  Why do concert goers insist on doing a video recording with their phone held high over their heads, thus blocking the view of the folks behind them, instead of just living in the moment?

_____

*  Why does the audience in a comedy club laugh hysterically at jokes which are, at best, mildly amusing?

*  Why do the local TV news shows need to have three separate weather reports during the course of a thirty minute program?

*. Why doesn’t hotel housekeeping dust off the top of the tissue dispensers in the bathrooms?

* Why can’t French fries stay hot more than 45 seconds?

* Why do male country singers strap on a big ol’ guitar and then play it for only one verse?

_____

*  Why do airlines permit passengers in coach seats to move their seat-backs to a reclining position, thus making the flight miserable for the poor saps directly behind them?

*  Why does the city's snow plow driver wait until I'm finished shoveling out the foot of my driveway before he unnecessarily plows the street again, leaving a small mountain for me to clear?

*  Why do the people with cabins on the west end of the lake fish at the east end, while the cabin owners on the east end fish along the western shores?

*  Why don't more people know how to hold their fork while they are using a knife?

*  Why don't alleys have names like streets do?

_____

* Why do baseball managers and coaches wear uniforms, and why does Dusty Baker go so far as to wear wrist sweatbands?

* Why don’t the moderators of televised political debates employ a mute switch when a candidate ignores his allotted time?

* Why can’t the guy in front of me in the coffee shop queue simply order his drink plain black?

* Why do many sandwich shop employees use the same plastic gloves to handle money that they use to handle food?

*  Why do televised pharmaceutical ads show actors doing activities unrelated to the product they're shilling, like sitting on a park bench, flying a kite or walking along a stream?  By the way, don’t take Trulicity if you are allergic to Trulicity.

Grammar Gripes & Tips

I'd rather be a comma

Than a full stop.

- "Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall” (Coldplay, 2011)

I feel good, 

I knew that I would.

- "I Got You" (James Brown, 1965)

Ever since I started blogging I always assumed there would be two constants supplying a limitless trove of post topics: movies and sports.  Until this past mid-March, several new movies hit the silver screen every week, and there was rarely a time when a professional, college or high school game of some sort was not at hand.  Those have been the mainstays of The Quentin Chronicle since its inception eight and a half years ago.  Now with the coronavirus and all the sadness and mayhem it brings, we are in uncharted waters.  My two reliable wells for fodder have run dry for the time being.

In view of the foregoing, I thought I would go back to a topic I've visited only twice before, on January 19 and February 21, 2012.  That topic is grammar, although this time I'm narrowing it to pet peeves and helpful tips.  Before we go any further, though, I suggest you reread the first paragraph of my January 19, 2012 post, in which I admit I'm throwing caution to the wind.  Fools rush in!

In pre-blog days I made a sporadic practice of sending grammar tips to my three kids.  I referred to those unsolicited emails as the "Sister Jane Memos," named in honor of my tremendous sixth grade teacher at St. Joe's in Libertyville.  Teaching English was her forte, and her lessons have stuck with me over the decades.  One of her favorite tools was diagramming sentences, a practice which went out with the Paleolithic Era.  Those were the days!  Luckily for my kids, I never foisted a diagramming exercise upon them.  

I was also blessed to have had a fantastic professor for "freshman comp" at Notre Dame.  Joseph Ryan, affectionately referred to as "Easy Joe," was a retired newspaperman for the Chicago Tribune.  One of the few lay profs who lived on campus, he resided in Lyons Hall.  Easy Joe might have been a lenient grader -- hence the nickname -- but he made you work for your "A."  There were many instances when I would undertake several drafts of a composition before submitting what I felt was practically a masterpiece.  I was wrong each time.  Easy Joe must have kept the bookstore's red pen sales robust as he'd mark up my paper and those of my classmates as only a veteran newspaper scribe could do.  Some of what he wrote in red were corrections; most were suggestions.  It was humbling because, doggone it, he was always right.

Now that I've dispensed with the preamble, it is time to move on to my list of ten items.  I've chosen "ten" because it is a nice round number.  In keeping with the title of this post I'm offering five gripes and five tips.  Take them or leave them as you wish, but here is a caveat:  Sister Jane and Easy Joe would agree with me.

[I have placed a bold-printed EX in front of examples below.] 

GRIPES

 1.  A comma is not a period.  I remember Sister Jane spending a good twenty or thirty minutes teaching us how to use a period to end our declarative sentences.  "What a simple idea," I thought to myself.  "What could be easier than ending a declarative sentence with a period?"  (It is such an elementary concept that I would not be surprised to learn that my third grade teacher, Miss Flanigan, taught the same lesson, although I have no precise recollection of that.)  And yet, there are certain acquaintances of mine whose M.O. is to end many declarative sentences with a comma, or else no punctuation at all.  I keep hoping this repeated mistake is more a product of treating email correspondence as super casual.  Mistaking a comma for a period seems to have become more common every year.  No wonder Coldplay had a hit with Waterfall.  Come on, people.  Use a period to end your declarative sentences.

On a related issue, here is an addendum to Gripe # 1.  Sometimes I see a writer place a question mark after a declarative sentence.  Such a writer confuses declarative sentences with interrogatories when a verb like "wonder" or "seems" is used.  Here is an example:

EX  I wonder if the Norske Nook has any butterscotch cream pie today?

That is a declarative sentence because it states a fact, namely, "I wonder."  Therefore, the question mark should be replaced by a period. 

2.  You either feel good or bad.  Apparently there is little love for the Godfather Of Soul, James Brown.  People seem to be reluctant to say or write, “I feel good” or "I am good" if, in fact, they do feel good. They are more likely to respond to the rhetorical greeting “How are you?” by saying “I am well.”  Some of this incorrect practice I attribute to their sense of hearing.  Using "well" might sound better than using "good."  The phenomenon is similar to what I wrote about using the pronoun "me."  Once again I refer you to my January 19, 2012 post, Don't Be Afraid To Use Me. 

As a general rule, "good" is an adjective and "well" is an adverb.  (Some grammarians have caved on this topic, surrendering to the hoi polloi by deciding that "well" could be either an adjective or an adverb.  To borrow a phrase attributed to Sir Winston Churchill, my response to this capitulation is "Poppycock!")  A "be verb," such as the word "am," can not be modified by an adverb because "am" does not show action.  If a sentence starts out with a subject followed by a "be verb," what comes next is either a predicate nominative (which is a noun or a pronoun) or a predicate adjective (which, as luck would have it, is an adjective).  There is no such thing as a predicate adverb.

As used in the sentence "I feel good," the word "feel" is functioning as a "be verb," not an "action verb."  It shows state of being, not action.  Therefore use the predicate adjective "good."  [Note: It is permissible to write or state "I am doing well," because "doing" is an action verb and therefore may be followed by an adverb such as "well."]

3.  "There" can't be a subject.  Here is another basic rule which Miss Flanigan was just as likely to have introduced as was Sister Jane.  Only nouns and pronouns can function as the subject of a sentence.  The word "there" is neither a noun nor a pronoun.  Therefore, it can't be the subject of a sentence.  The number (singular or plural) of the subject determines whether you need a singular or plural verb.  An example follows:

EX  There are sixteen trees in the orchard.

The subject of that sentence is "trees."  Yet, many people would state, "There's sixteen trees in the orchard."  Why is that wrong?  The answer is since the subject, "trees," is plural, it requires a plural verb.  Yet, the contraction "there's" stands for "there is."  The verb "is" is singular.  In a nutshell, here is the lesson:  Don't start your sentence with the contraction "There's" if the subject is plural.

EX  Okay:  There's a car parked in the driveway.

EX  Not okay: There's two cars parked in the driveway.

EX  The second sentence should be this: There are two cars parked in the driveway.

EX  Also acceptable: There're two cars parked in the driveway.

4.  A dash should not be used for apposition.  This gripe frequently comes into focus when I read the Star Tribune.  The Strib writers like to use a dash immediately prior to an identification.  It's possible the Strib's style manual allows that.  That is too bad.  Here is an example:

EX  Minnesota's two United States senators -- Amy Klobuchar and Tina Smith -- are home during the congressional recess.

A better practice would be to use parentheses or, better yet, commas instead of dashes.  Dashes should be reserved for showing sudden change of direction either in the middle or at the end of a sentence.

Here is an example of using dashes properly:

EX  The current post describes a phenomenon -- I hesitate to call it an oddity -- to which I was introduced when my family moved to Iowa.

That example may look familiar to you if you read my March 28 post, First Name Initial.

The lesson: Don't use dashes for apposition.

5.  Couldn't care less.  Almost every time I hear someone say "I could care less" what they really mean, judging by context, is they could not care less.  Capiche?  

TIPS

A. Punctuation pairs.  One of the important exercises when proof reading is to make sure that every opening punctuation mark which is supposed to be followed by a closing punctuation mark has, in fact, been so followed.  Such marks obviously include quotation marks, parentheses and brackets.  They always come in pairs.  But, not always as obvious would be some commas and mid-sentence dashes.  Check out the following example:

EX  Some of the men who did not participate in the mutiny, including Roger Byam, the narrator of the novel remained on the Bounty because there was no room for them on the launch.

Did you figure out what's missing?  There should be a comma after the word "novel."  The phrase "the narrator of the novel" is an appositive which further identifies Roger Byam.  Mid-sentence appositives need to be separated from the rest of the sentence by commas.

B. Semi-colons in lists.  Lists are often preceded by colons, with the list items separated by commas.

EX  I have sailed on the five Great Lakes: Superior, Huron, Michigan, Erie and Ontario.

However, if one (or more) list item itself contains a comma, a good practice is to use semi-colons (instead of commas) for separation.

EX  I have sailed on the five Great Lakes: Superior, the largest of the five; Huron, on which enchanting Mackinac Island resides; Michigan, the only Great Lake entirely within the United States; Erie, often associated with the 1969 fire on the Cuyahoga River; and Ontario, directly connected to the St. Lawrence Seaway.  

C.  Consistent identification.  This is more pertinent for formal writing, but still a worthy piece of advice.  Once a proper noun has been introduced, use the same means of identification throughout your paper.  This is especially important if your paper is relatively long and includes several proper nouns which may not be familiar to your reader.  Your selection of an identifier can be placed in quotes inside parentheses.

EX  I met General Charles F. Wald when he was a high school sophomore.

If that is the first of several times you're going to refer to that person, then decide how you are going to identify him and stick to it.  Don't write "the general," "Wald," "Charles," "Chuck" or "CFW" at various places.  Instead, pick one such as "Wald," and then stick to it.

EX  I met General Charles F. Wald ("Wald") when he was a high school sophomore. 

Sometimes this hint applies to common nouns.  For example, if you are writing about a construction project you can identify it as the "Project."  Then, every time you reference that construction project you can simply write "the Project."  

EX  The construction project associated with the light rail expansion (the "Project") is causing traffic delays on Beltline Boulevard. 

EX  My flight from Boston to Tahiti had layovers in Los Angeles (the "First Layover") and Honolulu (the "Second Layover").    

Bonus Tip:  I always appreciate it when the author of a long article refreshes our memory of who a previously identified person is.  I hate having to search backwards in a long article trying to recall who someone is, especially if that person was only mentioned once near the beginning.  

EX  O’Malley, the next door neighbor, claimed she heard a single gunshot around 3:00 a.m.

Voila!  Now we know who O'Malley is without having to go back toward the beginning of the article.  She is the next door neighbor.

D. Starting sentences with "I".  It's a good practice to avoid starting a plethora of sentences with the word "I."  Sometimes it's unavoidable, but most of the time a little minor surgery on sentence structure can do the corrective trick, resulting in more variety.  One simple exercise is to precede the subject, "I," with an adjective phrase.

Instead of this:

EX  I registered as an independent to avoid divulging my true party preference.

Try this:

EX  Not wishing to divulge my true party preference, I registered as an independent.

Perhaps infrequent use of passive voice serves a useful purpose as well.  Contrary to what many of us have been taught, passive voice should not always be considered taboo.  Just don't overdo it.

Instead of this:

EX  I obtained a premium discount for my accident-free driving record.

Try this:

EX  A premium discount was offered to me for my accident-free driving record.

E. Trimming "that".

My writing practice for a first draft is to use the word "that" with abandon to introduce phrases and clauses, but then attempt to delete "that" when I do a redraft.

EX  First draft: I have come to the conclusion that the New England Patriots and the Houston Astros are cheaters.

EX  Second draft: I have come to the conclusion the New England Patriots and the Houston Astros are cheaters.

Here is the lesson:  If you can trim the word "that" from a sentence without changing the meaning or causing confusion, do so.

Disclosure:  I have a particularly tough time adhering to D and E.  But as noted philosopher John Selden wrote, "Do as I say, not as I do."  

Scorecard Cheating

Here is the little story that came to mind this week after viewing a short video by Tim Kurkjian, a nationally known baseball journalist and television analyst.  Kurkjian reveals how, for eleven years, he clipped and saved baseball box scores.  It was only after newspapers generally stopped printing box scores that Kurkjian had to discontinue his hobby.  For some reason, I have a related practice, hanging on to my scorecards from games I attended.  Occasionally I even keep score at home for World Series games of particular interest, e.g., Cubs vs. Indians in Game # 7 of the 2016 World Series.

My dad told me when I was about 10 or 11 that if you are lucky enough to attend an MLB game, you should never leave until the last out is made.  "If you leave early, you might miss the best play of the game."

I have followed his rule for almost 100% of the games I've attended over the years.  However, I did have to make an exception last year on July 17.  It was a Wednesday afternoon game, Twins vs. New York Mets, and Momma Cuandito accompanied me to the game.  As I've probably related before, she has become a true Twins fan, but her worst nightmare is having a game she's at go into extra innings.  In other words, she's down for about three hours of baseball, but then she is ready to move on.

As the Twins-Mets game evolved it looked like it was going to be a real barn burner.  After six innings, the Twins led 3-2.  Twins starting pitcher Martin Perez was on his game.  One of the Mets' two runs was unearned (E-5 by Miguel Sano), and Perez had 4 strike outs.  He had given up just 1 walk (plus a hit batsman).  Unfortunately, Twins manager Rocco Baldelli decided to let his esteemed bullpen get the last 9 outs.  Trevor May promptly surrendered the lead, giving up 3 runs on 3 hits in the top of the 7th.  Then Matt Magill came in to pitch the top of the 8th; what a disaster!  The Mets scored 6 more runs, all unearned thanks to an E-7 by Eddie Rosario.  Going into the bottom of the 8th it was 11-3 Mets.  We hung around to watch the Twins bat in the bottom of the 8th, and they did manage to come up with 1 run to make it 11-4.  Then we did what most of the other 35,124 fans did: we left.  Although she didn't say it, I knew Momma Cuan wanted to leave, and I did too.  Sure, it was breaking my dad's rule, but for all intents and purposes the game was over.

Not quite!

That evening I learned that the final score was 14-4.  Rocco, in an effort to save bullpen arms, allowed reserve infielder Ehire Adrianza to pitch the 9th.  The Mets shelled him for 5 hits and 3 runs.

As a saver of scorecards, it bothered me that my scorecard stopped after the 8th inning.  But, it didn't bother me to the point where I did anything about it, until this week!  I decided to look up the play-by-play for that game on baseball-reference.com, a terrific website on which a baseball enthusiast could literally waste an entire day.  It only took me about 4 or 5 minutes to find what I'd been looking for.  Then, I filled in the 9th inning on my scorecard which (of course) I had saved from that game.  That is what I call "Scorecard Cheating."  Hopefully neither the baseball gods, nor my father, will judge me too harshly.

****

There is a an epilogue to my story, having to do with baseball's so-called unwritten rules.  Many of you, especially those who've read my October 31, 2019 post (World Series 2019: Highs And Lows), are familiar with those rules, almost all of which are precipitated by sportsmanship.  For example, don't bunt in the late innings to break up a pitcher's no hitter.  Don't steal a base in the late innings if your team is up by 7 (an arbitrary number).  Under similar circumstances, don't unnecessarily stretch a single into a double or go from first to third if your teammate singles after you.  Likewise, don't work a count, hoping to draw a walk, if the game is out of reach, etc.

As I wrote above, my dad never left a game early for fear of missing "the best play of the game."  Today we would call those defensive masterpieces "web gems."  To my knowledge, when Momma Cuan and I left the Twins-Mets blowout last July 17, we did not miss a web gem, but we did miss an extremely strange implementation of an unwritten rule.

According to the play-by-play provided on baseball-reference.com, here is what happened when the Mets, leading 11-4, batted in the top of the 9th inning facing the Twins' new "pitcher," Adrianza.

- The Mets' DH Robinson Cano, batting in the 5 hole, lined out to right. (1 out, nobody on)

- # 6 hitter Todd Frazier singled to right. (1 out, man on 1st)

- # 7 hitter Michael Conforto singled to right, moving Frazier to third. (1 out, runners at the corners)

- # 8 hitter Amed Rosario tripled to left, scoring Frazier and Conforto.  The score is now 13-4. (1 out, man on third)

- # 9 hitter Adeiny Hechavarria doubled to left, scoring Rosario.  The score is now 14-4. (1 out, man on second)

- # 1 hitter Juan Lagares (who had entered the game as a defensive replacement in the 8th inning) doubled to left, 

moving Hechavarria to third.  (1 out, runners on second and third)

- # 2 hitter Dominic Smith struck out swinging. (1 out, runners on second and third)

- # 3 hitter Pete Alonso grounded out to third to end the inning.  The score remains 14-4, which became the final score when the Twins failed to score in the bottom of the 9th.

So there you have it.  The Mets decided not to allow their runner (Hechavarria) to score from second on a double to left field.  I don't believe I have ever seen a play like that.  If I had followed my dad's rule, I would have.  The Mets took an unwritten rule to an extreme, would you agree?

I'm sure the Mets' intention was good sportsmanship, but you also have to wonder if, by not letting Hechavarria score, it was more of a humiliation for the Twins.

Quarterly Cinema Scan - Volume XXXIX

The dearly departed movie critic Roger Ebert wrote in the Chicago Sun Times that he wanted to watch The English Patient twice, once to formulate his questions and another to figure out the answers.  I did watch The English Patient for the second time a couple of weeks ago and decided that I need to see it a third time to feel confident in the answers I came up with.  Why, you might ask, would I be willing to submit myself to yet another viewing of a film lasting over two and a half hours just for the sake of tying up a few puzzling loose ends?  You might call it a labor of love.

Having "said" that, I still must admit I grappled with the question of whether the film deserves an A- or an A.  Immediately after my second viewing I made a mental note that this was an A- movie, certainly one of the best I expect to see this year.  But as the following days went by I could not get the movie out of my head, notwithstanding the fact that I watched a couple of other movies in the interim.  Such is a characteristic of an A movie.  So many scenes made a lasting imprint, with credit going to the leading players (identified below) under the direction of Anthony Minghella, who also wrote the screenplay, plus the breathtaking cinematography of John Seale.

The most surprisingly effective element of The English Patient is the use of flashbacks.  I've written before, in fact as recently as January 29, that I am not typically fond of temporal scene shifting or flashbacks, especially if they appear to be a choice used by the director for nothing more than artistic reasons.  The 1992 novel by Michael Ondaatje and the adapted screenplay by Minghella contain such a plethora of flashbacks that the film's editor, the brilliant Walter Murch, admitted he dreaded the project.  That may have been false modesty by Murch, as he was the man called upon to edit The Godfather Trilogy.  Indeed, Murch might be the MVP of The English Patient's production.

Ever since watching my all-time favorite film, 1942's Casablanca, I have become a self-declared sucker for cinema romance, especially those like Casablanca and The Winds Of War (a 1983 television miniseries) against the backdrop of war.  In the sub-genre of wartime romance, The English Patient belongs in the upper tier.

****

Here are the movies I watched at The Quentin Estates in this year's first quarter. 

1. Bombshell  (2019 biodrama; Charlize Theron/Megan Kelly, a prime time Fox News anchor, considers whether to step forward in support of Nicole Kidman/Gretchen Carlson’s sexual harassment lawsuit against Fox CEO John Lithgow/Roger Ailes.)  B-

2. Death On The Nile (1978 mystery; Peter Ustinov, as the internationally famous sleuth Hercule Poirot, joins forces with David Niven, a former division head for the British government's spy agency, to solve a murder on a Nile River cruise steamer on which almost every passenger is a suspect.). A-

3. The Doors (1991 biodrama; Val Kilmer/Jim Morrison, a poet turned accidental rock god, destroys his career and life with drugs and booze.)  C+

4. The English Patient (1996 drama; at the end of World War II Ralph Fiennes, a critically injured Hungarian count, is cared for in a bombed out Italian monastery by Canadian nurse Juliette Binoche, to whom he recounts the story of his love affair with Kristin Scott Thomas.)  A

5. Red Sparrow (2018 spy drama; Jennifer Lawrence is a manipulated Russian agent who is assigned to develop a relationship with CIA agent Joel Edgerton for the purpose of identifying the Americans’ mole in the Kremlin.)  C+

6. Richard Jewell  (2019 biodrama; Paul Walter Hauser plays Richard Jewell, a security guard and cop wanna be, who is unethically named as a suspect by Atlanta journalist Olivia Wilde based on an unsubstantiated tip from FBI inspector John Hamm.)  B-

7. Shakespeare In Love (1998 dramedy; Joseph Fiennes as young Will Shakespeare falls in love with beautiful Gwyneth Paltrow, who becomes his muse and co-star in the production of his play, originally titled Romeo & Ethel, The Pirate’s Daughter.)  B+

8. Valentine’s Day (2010 rom-com; Astin Kutcher, Jennifer Garner, Jamie Fox and Jessica Beale are some of the LA residents whose love lives undergo changes on Valentine’s Day.)  B-

First Name Initial

I wear it at the soda shop, wear it at the record hop,

Ridin' to a movie in your jeep,

I wear it when I go to gym, wear it when I take a swim,

I even wear it when I sleep.

- First Name Initial (Annette, 1959)

Two recent occurrences have combined to inspire my offering of this post: the start of a new decade a few months ago, and the recounting of my Iowa newspaper story here on February 3 (A Case Of Mistaken Identity).  This current post describes a phenomenon -- I hesitate  to call it an oddity --  to which I was introduced when my family moved to Iowa at the start of my eighth grade second semester.

***

As we approached the final days of the “10’s” last December, many critics and commentators treated us to Top Ten lists for that decade in all kinds of categories such as movies, athletes and athletic achievements, books, inventions, medical discoveries, Supreme Court cases, television shows, music and the like. The offering of lists in similar fashion is traditional at the end of virtually every decade. We also see near the close of each decade summaries of fads and trends which appeared, with varying degrees of shelf life, during those periods.  For example, according to the website bestlifeonline.com, some of the most noteworthy fads and trends during the “10’s” included the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, Pokemon Go, the dance craze Flossing, and Words With Friends.  In preparation for this post, I asked my crack three person research team to google "fads and trends from the 1950's."  They came up with soda fountains, poodle skirts, hula hoops and long sideburns, among others, while a search for the early sixties gave us The Twist, mohair sweaters, penny loafers (with an actual penny inserted on the top notch), surf music and girl groups.

To my surprise, the fad which immediately greeted me when I arrived in Iowa in January of '61 did not show up on our exhaustive (?) searches: to wit, first name initials.  How could there be such a glaring omission of a fad which stands out as a clear memory from my grade school days?  Was the omission of first name initials due to that fashion accessory being strictly "an Iowa thing"?  No, and I'll tell you why momentarily, but first, a little background.

In my August 25, 2012 post (Chrome Dome & The Cub Reporter) I made brief mention of the co-ed condition in the two Catholic schools I attended during eighth grade.  In short, St. Joe's in Libertyville had two co-ed eighth grade rooms, while Our Lady Of Lourdes in Bettendorf also had two rooms of eighth graders, but they were separated by gender.  Ironically, among the eighty or so eighth graders in St. Joe’s co-ed setting, there was only one couple which could legitimately be deemed to have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.  True, there were some girls in my class who took it upon themselves to "make matches" theoretically.  (This may have been the precursor to on-line dating.)  But, those were almost pure figments of the girls’ imaginations.  We must not have had many homework assignments in those days, because the girls who concocted these hypothetical pairings seemed to have all kinds of time on their hands.  My so-called match at St. Joe's was Joan Iaconetti.  Joan was a pleasant, intelligent young lady with sparkling eyes, but we rarely had a conversation in person, and most definitely not by phone.  I'm not even sure we were in the same eighth grade classroom.

When I arrived in Iowa the set up at Lourdes was quite different.  Not only were almost half of the guys and girls paired up in a real life amorous or at least quasi-amorous relationship, but many of the girls wore a first name initial pin indicating the object of their affection.  My first reaction, especially coming from St. Joe's apparently less-than-hip background, was that this was among  the craziest things I had ever encountered.  I had heard of high school upperclassmen giving their steady date their class ring, but in 1961 that would be at least a few years down the road for me and my fellow eighth graders.  Back in Libertyville, we guys spent our recess and lunch breaks playing ball in the park across the street, or else shooting marbles or pitching pennies against the church steps.  The concept of talking to a girl would be the farthest thing from our minds, and they probably felt the same way about us.

Lourdes was a whole other scenario.  There, the girls and guys spent a good chunk of their free time pairing up either alone or in small groups to socialize.  There was no guessing which guy "went with" which girl; all you had to do was look at the girl's first name initial pin, proudly worn on her uniform sweater.  Maybe the fact that the boys and girls were in segregated classrooms -- missing each other? -- accounted for some of the pin popularity, or perhaps another reason described in the next few paragraphs provided the answer.

***

During the last five years of the fifties, kids across the country grew up on The Mickey Mouse Club television show.  My sister, Michele, and I faithfully watched it when we came home from school.  The nationally syndicated show had a different theme for each day, like Music Day, Western Day, and the ever-mysterious Anything Can Happen Day.  The hour long show was hosted by an adult, Jimmie Dodd, but the real stars of the program were the Mouseketeers.  This group of ten or twelve girls and boys were the entertainers, singing, dancing and performing short skits which went along with that day's theme.  Although they were mostly young teenagers, the youngsters became national celebrities, wearing Mouseketeer caps, complete with rigid round ears, and white turtleneck sweaters with their first names printed across the chest.

Annette Funicello, or simply "Annette," was arguably the fan favorite.  Although each of the Mouseketeers was a very talented child performer, Annette had the most versatile and lengthy career, both as a singer and a (mostly) B-film actress.  Michele, always in tune with pop culture, bought a couple of Annette's '45's, and maybe even an album. During 1959 and 1960, Annette had four Top 20 hits on the Billboard Hot 100, including Tall Paul (peaking at # 7), O Dio Mio (# 10) and Pineapple Princess (# 11); plus, the key song germane to this post, First Name Initial (# 20).  That song, a quintessential statement of puppy love written by Martin Kalmanoff and Aaron Schroeder, expresses a girl's excitement for wearing her boyfriend's first name initial, a symbol for the world to see that the lucky guy belongs to her. 

And now for the mystery.  Could it be that the origin of the Iowa girls' fascination with first name initials was a derivative of the Annette song?  Probably, but if so, two questions.  First, why hadn't the Illinois girls latched on to this trend?  Listening to Top 40 music on WLS radio was a common pastime throughout Chicagoland, including Libertyville.  Surely the St. Joe's girls were familiar with Annette's hit song.  Maybe they were behind the cultural times compared to their Iowa sisters.  Or, more likely, maybe the male pickings at St. Joe's (at least the Class of '61) were so slim that the girls decided an outlaying of the eight or ten smackers for a pin to identify a guy was a waste of money.  

Second, First Name Initial made its debut on the Billboard charts on October 26, 1959.  It remained on the Hot 100 for eighteen weeks (far longer than the average Top 40 hit), taking us all the way to, roughly, the first week of March, 1960, almost an entire year before I arrived in Bettendorf.  Had the Lourdes girls been wearing first name initials all that time?  Most fashion fads ran their course long before that.  Perhaps the girls were just waiting for another popular style to come along to take the place of first name initials.  If one ever did show up in Bettendorf, it did not arrive until some time after mid-summer 1961.

***

At first I could not have cared less that a bunch of my female classmates were wearing the first name initial of their purported -- and probably actual -- boyfriend.  I viewed the practice as curious and quirky, but always kept in mind that I was the new kid on the block.  I was not about to ridicule or disparage their choices.  But then things got more personal.  One day either Michele or one of my buddies pointed out to me that a girl in my class, Cynthia Saldivar, was wearing a "J" pin on her sweater, and the word on the street was that the "J" was for me.  How could this be?  Aside from perhaps making eye contact once or twice, we had never spoken to each other.  Then to make matters more uncomfortable, Judy Pfaff, the girlfriend of my best friend Greg McCluskey and one of Cynthia's best friends, started to put the pressure on me to acknowledge the nascent, albeit fictional, relationship.  "Why don't you call her?  Why don't you eat lunch with her?  Why don't you hold her hand?"  Oh boy.  This was new territory for me.  Nothing against Cynthia, who was very pretty -- hopefully not coming off here as being shallow -- but I really didn't want to make the effort to meet her even half way.  That would be a waste of my time and hers.  Besides, I had my eye on a different girl, a seventh grader named Connie Foster who looked like Suzanne Pleshette.  (Cue Paul Simon's Kodachrome?)

***

We now have arrived at the end.  Cynthia and I became cordial friends, but nowhere near "an item."  Following eighth grade graduation I don't recall ever seeing her again.  In any event, she went on to Bettendorf High School for ninth grade, while I attended Assumption High in Davenport.

As for Suzanne... I mean Connie, it never got out of first gear.  It probably took me until early spring to work up the courage to talk to her.  We ran into each other a handful of times during the summer, but the vibe I got did not make me optimistic about the prospects.  What little hope there was for me came to a crashing halt right after classes began my freshman year at Assumption.  One early September morning I was on the school bus heading for Davenport when a sophomore came up and started to shove me backwards.  I shoved back, we both traded punches, and then some upperclassmen quickly broke it up.  That sophomore turned out to be Larry Foster, Connie's brother.  I obviously don't know what version of the story Larry told Connie, but I guess he was convincing.  I was unable to connect with her by phone.  Then, I remember mailing her a note on a card.  As the Beatles once sang, no reply.   

[Note: For the next exciting chapter on my Iowa love life, be sure to check out my July 15, 2015 post, Driving Miss Linda.]

Keeping In Touch With The Big Kids

Momma Cuandito and I retuned home last Wednesday from a twenty-four day road trip to Florida, where we've enjoyed a relatively brief respite of winter warmth approximately nine of the last ten years.  Our two favorite spots are Anna Maria Island off the coast of Bradenton, and Fort Myers, the spring training home of the Minnesota Twins.  This most recent trip was by car, the fourth time we've chosen that means of transportation.

We don't kill ourselves to get to or from Florida.  That would defeat the purpose of opting for the highway over the sky way.  Some folks drive through the night, changing drivers and making a beeline from one state to the next.  That's not us.  Although we might have at least one day which involves around six hundred miles of daylight travel, we make up for it by spending two nights in a row once or twice at pre-selected sites.  This year those places going south were Georgetown, Kentucky (a remote suburb of Lexington) and Lake City, Florida.

Not to short change our three kids and their spouses, but as is true with many traveling grandparents, the biggest downside to being away from home is the absence of our grandchildren.  There are few hours in a typical day when I don't think about the four of them, whom I sometimes refer to as the Gorgeous Creatures.  I don't know that MC and I could ever relocate south for the entire winter knowing that the Gorgeous Creatures were an airplane ride, as opposed to a few minutes, away.

When Momma Cuan and I are on the road, I like to imagine that our kids are thinking about us, wondering where we are and what we're up to.  To a large extent that may be fanciful thinking; they have their own families to attend to.  Still, I keep in touch with them from the road by sending (usually) short emails from my phone.  When you’re a ham-handed non-typist using a phone, the brevity of correspondence is dictated. Once in awhile the recipients reply.  The emails, like photographs, also serve as memory joggers if I read what I've sent at a later date.  Full disclosure: I already have, and probably will again.

Today, March 15, was supposed to be the date of our eighth annual Fours & Field Contest party, celebrating the NCAA's Selection Sunday for March Madness.  (For a refresher on what the Fours & Field Contest is all about, check out my February 24, 2013 post.  The FFC has been enlarged and modified since then, but the basic principles described therein remain in place.)  Instead, Momma Cuan and I are sitting around the house, social distancing ourselves from the rest of humanity.  It's a predicament brought on by the coronavirus threat.  There is nothing good on TV, and the book I'm reading is an easy one to put down.  This might be a good time to post on my blog, which I've been known to label my "SR&LRB" (an inside joke).  The topic I've chosen is the path requiring the least amount of thought: the aforementioned emails.  There are eleven of them.

****

Feb 17    HELLO FROM CHAMPAIGN

Hello boys & girls,

I know you’re worried sick about us, but we did make it to Champaign, 514 miles from the QE.  Home of the U of Illinois.  Once we got to Tomah it was all snow and rain.  We got here at 5:30. Staying at Drury Inn, where they give you 2 free drinks. I had scotch on the rocks. The amount of booze in a drink is < a thimbleful.  Ate dinner at a brew pub downtown, Destihl.  Maybe the best beef stroganoff I’ve ever had.  Washed it down with a 6.7% hazy IPA and a 9.1% Scotch ale, both made by Destihl. Tomorrow we head to Lexington, only 312 miles from here. Hi to JB, RM, JM, LJ, WJ, LR, UL, R and P.  I love you all.

The Old Illinoisan

****

Feb 18    HELLO FROM GEORGETOWN

Hello Boys & girls,

We drove 308 miles from Champaign to Georgetown, which is about 20 miles north of Lexington. On the way we stopped for lunch at Mac & Don’s in Seymour, Indiana, the home town of John Mellencamp.

Georgetown has a historic downtown with buildings even more ancient than your old man.  Went to a brew pub called My Old Kentucky Foam. I had a nitro brown ale and a pale with high IBUs.  The bartender was an authority on just about everything. For dinner we went to a place called Fava’s. I had a traditional KY casserole which the locals call Hot Brown. Meh. Mom had catfish. Meh. I had butterscotch cream pie, my usual favorite but in this case, Meh.

We finished the night with a couple of Bushmills on the rocks at the only Irish pub in town, Slainte Public House.

Tomorrow will present a challenge for Mom and me: Trying not to step in horse kah kah when we tour nearby WinStar Horse Farm. Word to the SOs, the Gorgeous Creatures and the pets. I love you all.

The Old Equestrian

****

Feb 19    GEORGETOWN SECOND DAY

Hello boys & girls.

Our second day (Wednesday) in Georgetown, KY was fun. Toured WinStar Farms, which boards and trains racehorses (mostly stallions), and conducts breeding and sales operations too. See the picture below of Mom with the 2017 Kentucky Derby winner, Always Dreaming. We managed to avoid stepping in the horse poop.  Ate one of the best hangabers EVER, the Big Blue Burger, in Midway, KY at a place called Wallace Station. Reminded me of PM Park in Clear Lake. Ancient and atmospheric.

Returned to Georgetown for a self-guided walking tour of historic Georgetown, where many of the buildings are > a century old. Took a break with Irish brews at Slainte Public House. After a short late afternoon nap had a fab dinner at Rodney’s On Broadway. The restaurant is in an old mansion; reminded me of Forepaugh’s in St. Paul. I had short ribs. Mom had a peanut butter sammy.

I love you all.

The Old Horse Breeding Authority

****

Feb 20  HELLO FROM STOCKBRIDGE

Greetings boys & girls,

Drove 415 miles through lots of snow and sleet to get from Georgetown to Stockbridge, Georgia. It’s about 15 miles south of Atlanta. I used to think Chicago traffic was the worst, but metro Hotlanta’s congestion gives Chitown a run for the dubious title.

For those of you keeping score at home, we ate lunch at a Chick Fillet in Cleveland, Tennessee. 

Tonight we ate din din at The Bridge Grill & Oyster Bar in Stockton. Mom had oysters while I had a shrimp poor boy.  Their beer selection was fair to partly cloudy.  The waitress called us “honey,” “love,” “lovie” and “darlin,” among others.

Our main objective for the day was to get past Hotlanta. Mission accomplished! Tomorrow: Finally Florida!!

I love you all.

The World’s Greatest Driver

****

Feb 21    HELLO FROM LAKE CITY

Hello boys and girls,

No, not Lake City, Minny Hota; Lake City, FLORIDA.

We drove 270 miles from Stockbridge to get here late Friday afternoon.  Lake City is about 45 miles south of the state line.  The drive was easy, all interstate with no bad weather.  The interstates in GA and FL are at least 3 lanes in each directIon. Trucks must stay in the two right lanes. That is a great law; must have been passed by Republicans!

The temp finally hit 50+ degrees for the first time anywhere on our trip when we got near Macon, which is in the middle of Georgia.  It's also home to the Allman Brothers Band.  I know you (especially Michael) are curious as to where we ate lunch, so I will tell you: Tifton, a medium size city in southern Georgia, named after former BSM President Bob Tift.  We tried Steak 'n' Shake, which is real big in the South.  It was surprisingly good.  We both had boigahs and shakes.

Once in Lake City we didn’t waste much time heading to a tap room, Halpatter, which is Seminole for “alligator.”  I had IPAs and MC had an IPA and a cream ale. All four veddy veddy good. From there we went to Marion Street Bistro, the hippest and busiest place in town for dinner. Decent food but horrible service. I had sheemp n’ grits. Mom had a flat bread.

Lake City claims to have a historic downtown. What a joke. Nothing but 3 bars and the fire department. Makes downtown St. Paul look like the Vegas Strip.

Finished the night by going back to Halpatter, where a band from Geogia called Pine Box Dwellers was doing Dylan.

I love you all.

The Old Pitter Patterer

****

Feb 22    LAKE CITY SECOND DAY

Hello boys & girls,

For the record I thought I’d tell you about day # 2 (Saturday) in Lake City. Ever heard of Stephen Foster? He is one of the greatest music composers in American history. He wrote Oh Susanna, My Old Kentucky Home, Swanny River, Jeanie With The Light Brown Hair, and 250 other songs in the 19th century. Most songs were about the South even though he was from Pittsburgh. We went to the Foster Museum which is the centerpiece of a beautiful regional park in his honor. Inside the museum are dioramas which show a scene from ten of Foster’s songs. One of the most impressive things I’ve ever seen in a museum.

Ate lunch in Fat Belly’s, a back woods BBQ joint. Both the Foster Museum and Fat Belly’s are in a little nearby town called White Springs.

Then we drove back to LC and went on a hike along Alligator Lake. I will send a picture I took of Mom there.

Finished the day with dinner at Phish Tales. Every “f” on their menu (and website) is spelled “ph.” I had blackened mahi mahi. Mom had prime rib.

I will only bore you with one more report. Thanks for your warmth and compassion. I love you all. 

The Old Stephen Phoster Phan

****

Feb 23    HELLO FROM HOLMES BEACH

Hello boys & girls,

This is the final installment of my exciting Road Trip series. Before we left Lake City yesterday we decided to treat ourselves to a Dunkin Donuts greftas. Then we drove 221 miles to Holmes Beach. All interstate until you get to Bradenton. Then about 17 miles of driving under 45 mph.

For you statistics freaks out there, here is the poop:

Distance from SLP to HB via the route we took = 1,728 miles.
Total miles driven, including tooling around seeing the sights, driving to restaurants, etc. = 1,881 miles.  [Note: Fort Myers is another 120 miles south of Holmes Beach.]

Our condo is a block from the beach in a residential neighborhood, very close to a popular burger joint called Skinny’s and right across the street from the rear of Publix. The unit is vey nice, with two bedrooms and two bathrooms. Having my own bathroom is huge; that means I can splash as much as I wah!  Best of all, there are two lanais, one on either side of the unit. The only negative is that our unit is on the third floor, 29 steps up. (Yes, I counted.)  That is a tough climb for a geezer like your old man.

Last night we walked to a bar/pizza joint 2 blocks away, Solo’s. Struck up conversations with the regulars and watched the first period of the Wild-Blues game. Their tap beer selection was horse kah kah, but their bottle inventory was EK. In case you’re curious I had two Goose Island IPAs and one Laguinitas IPA. Mom had wine.  I have a feeling we’ll be back.

Have a Red Letter Week. Always enjoy pix of the Gorgeous Creatures and the Four Legged Creatures, especially those I can view more than once or twice, if you get my drift.

Greetings to all. Peace, love, harmony and tranquility.

The Old Lanai Lover

********

Mar 8    HELLO FROM MARIETTA

Hello.  Here is an abbreviated update on our travels. We drove 612 miles today from our Fort Myers condo to Marietta, which is a suburb of Hotlanta on the north end of its metro area. The Florida and Georgia interstates are filled with horrendous drivers. Atlanta has horrible traffic. Glad to be through there tonight so we don’t have to face it tomorrow.

For lunch we had a picnic of leftover egg salad sammiches at a rest area near Ashburn, Georgia. For dinner we ate quesadillas at a Mexican joint called Pappasito's near our hotel. Mom thought it was great. I thought it was okay.

Heading for Paducah tomorrow. Love to all. Miss you all.

The Old Grumpy Guy

****

Mar 9    HELLO FROM PADUCAH

Hello boys & girls,

You have been sitting with your phones, awaiting this update. Relax... Here it is.

We drove 369 miles to this city right across the Ohio River from the land of my peeps. I was worried about driving around Nashville, but after getting good navigation tips from a guy in a travel information center on how best to do it, no probzlemzskiez.

Lunch was a fish fillet + shamrock shake, at Mac & Don’s in Cadiz, KY.  Our first stop in Paducah was Dry Ground Brewery where we sucked down some EK hazies and pales. Mom, the U of M grad, chose a trippel for her THIRD brew.

Dinner at Max’s Wood Fire Grill In downtown Paducah. I had jambalaya. Grade = A, but a dubious practice regarding the prices on their menu. Mom had cavatappi.

We were going to stay in Paducah two nights, but The Boss now says one.

We are now back in our motel room. Mom just finished watching The Voice and is now watching Manifest. If I am lucky enough to make it to purgatory, it will not be worse.

Keep it light. Keep it mellow. Wash your hands as if you just handled jalapeño peppers and were now going to put in your contact lenses.  (Got that from Jenna Bush.)  Hello to the spouses, the Gorgeous Creatures and the four legged friends.

The Old Kin Tuck Traveler.

****

Mar 10    HELLO FROM SOUTH BELOIT

Hello. We drove 436 miles to get from Paducah to SBI. All but 10 of those miles were in Illinois.

We started the day with greftas at Kirchhoff’s, a deli in downtown Paducah.  We each had a bacon & cheese croissant. Quite suck-you-lant. Right next door through an opening in a shared wall is Etcetera, a funky coffee shop which shares space with a small clothing store. It’s the kind of place SLP needs for its fledgling downtown in the Walker/Lake hood. Then spent 2 hours in the National Quilt Museum. I surprised myself by thinking it was great. I will send a picture or two. The artistry is amazeballs. (Is that Jill’s term?)

I hate to say it, but Illinois is a very long, boring state. Flatter than a mah-hmm. Not much to look at except for the southern quarter which is heavily forested. My favorite town name is Effingham. Lunch was Cheeseboogers at Culver’s in Mount Vernon, a medium size burg in southern Illinois. 

Couldn’t get a room in Rockford for < $200 due to high school basketball and wrestling tournaments in the area — price gouging? — so we drove 15 minutes up the pike to South Beloit. Had spagootz and meatsataballza in a super little Italian restaurant here called Anna Maria’s. Talked to the co-owner cook, a nice Italiano of the female persuasion. Let the women play through!

Should be home tomorrow afternoon. We will have been gone 24 days. Looking forward to seeing all o’ yuz.

The Old Paisano

****

Mar 11    HELLO FROM ST. LOUIS PARK

Hello boys & girls,

While it is true that less than three of you inquired as to whether I would be offering a final installment of my round trip road adventures with Momma Cuan, there may be a completist among you whom I would not want to let down. As you probably know, a completist feels compelled to own or experience every single one of a series of things (for lack of a better word within my limited vocabulary), often for no other reason than to come full circle, as it were.  For example, I have no burning desire to visit Connecticut except for the fact that it is one of only three states in which I have never set foot.  (The other two are West Virginia and Hawaii, both of which I would very much enjoy visiting.) Another personal example is the TV show Lost. I thought the first two or three seasons were very good. The fourth and fifth seasons showed signs of mediocrity, so much so that toward the end of the fifth season the lazy writing made it apparent the whole endeavor was falling apart. Nevertheless I decided to endure the sixth and final season in the interest of completeness. Shame on me. The final season was the worst of them all.

I can’t leave you wondering if we ever made it home from South Beloit. Spoiler Alert: We did!

The hardest part about driving through Cheese Land on a Wednesday morning is keeping the mph within a reasonable level above the speed limit. Seven above is about all I’m willing to risk.  The Wisconsin Highway Patrol is notorious for setting speed traps along the interstate. Those guys are sneaky devils, hiding under bridges and on medians at the end of down slopes. I’m happy to report that on this trip I did manage to avoid the long arm of the law.

As we approached Eau Claire we started to get hungry and decided to bypass several McDonald's while patiently hoping there’d be a Culver’s.  We eventually saw a sign indicating Culver’s was off an exit ramp a few miles beyond Eau Claire. It wasn’t until we actually took the exit that we saw a second sign revealing Culver’s was 3.5 miles away. We should have returned immediately to the interstate but by this time we were really craving Culver’s. To make a long story short, we drove ten miles out of our way on a country road and never found the Culver’s. We ended up settling for Mac & Don’s west of Eau Claire after all.

We hit Minneapolis at 2:15, not early enough to avoid westbound rush hour traffic on I-94.  On second thought the traffic snarl is like a permanent condition more than merely rush hour.  I opted to exit at Riverside, then zig zagged our way home through south Minny and around Lake Of The Isles. We pulled into the QE driveway at exactly 3:00.  Our driveway is 320 miles from South Beloit.

The route home was 1737 miles from Fort Myers, compared to the 1848 miles I drove to get there. That is the difference between driving through Paducah in western Kentucky versus driving through Lexington in eastern Kentucky. The former is a hypotenuse route; the latter is more of a right angle.  In total we put 3791 miles on our car during the twenty-four days we were gone. Some people might call us crazy for driving instead of flying, but our theory is that the journey provides opportunities and memories which a flyer would miss.

I love you all.

The Old Completist