Sports Yucks 'n' Nuggs - Volume I

During the telecast of last February's Super Bowl 46 - - er, excuse me, "Super Bowl XLVI" - - Al Michaels told a funny story about New York Giants left guard Tom Snee, a story that I have paraphrased below. Michaels' short anecdote started me thinking that, in the course of a typical month or two, I read and hear several sports-related stories that are either funny or are worthy of at least a nod or a salute because they are interesting.  That latter group is what might be called "nuggets," and is the "Nuggs" referred to in the title.  I am sure that I've encountered several of such items since February, but I hereby admit that I wasn't diligent enough to write each and every one of them down before they escaped my sixty-four year old memory bank. In any event, I now have compiled a baker's dozen from the last three and a-half months, so that's enough to provide fodder for The Quentin Chronicle. Once again, some of these items aren't necessarily funny, but I have included them because they went beyond the standard game previews, play-by-plays, and game summaries that comprise most of what we see and hear as sports fans. I have designated this post as "Volume I" just in case there's a Volume II. One never knows.

1. ABC television announcer Al Michaels told the story of an interview he had with New York Giants starting left guard Tom Snee, who happens to be married to head coach Tom Coughlin's daughter. Michaels asked Snee what his wife says when he comes home complaining about how hard Coughlin's practices are. Snee answered, "She tells me to suck it up."

2. Sean Payton and Bill Belichick, head coaches of the New Orleans Saints and the New England Patriots, respectively, both have a reputation of being smug.  On April 5, after the news of the Saints' bounty program broke and Payton was suspended for a full year by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, this comparison was rendered by KSTP radio personality Judd Zulgad, a former Vikings beat writer for the Star Tribune: "During a press conference, Bill Belichick is the smartest guy in the room. Sean Payton just thinks he is."

3. The Twins new left fielder, Josh Willingham, is built like a linebacker. This is what Fox North's television announcer Dick Bremer had to say on April 7 after Willingham crashed into the wall along the left field line at Camden Yard as he was trying to catch a foul fly: "Makes you feel sorry for the wall."

4. During the April 15 telecast of the Twins-Rangers game, the cameras were focusing on Twins center fielder Denard Span while the announcers were describing his defensive prowess. One second into the shot, Span attempted to spit, but got his spittle all over the front of his jersey. The camera quickly panned to right fielder Clete Thomas, even though the announcers weren't finished talking about Span. Perfect timing! (My sense of humor is nothing if not unsophisticated.)

5. Ivan "Pudge" Rodriquez, one of the best catchers in baseball history (21 seasons, .311 career batting average, 1332 career RBI, and American league MVP in 1999) retired from the game this year. He spent his first twelve years in the Big Leagues with the Texas Rangers, who honored him with a pre-game ceremony on April 24. Rather than throw out the ceremonial first pitch, which is what most honorees do, Pudge got behind the plate and rifled a throw to former teammate Michael Young at the second base bag. Throughout the years, many base runners were thrown out attempting to steal against Rodriguez, and his final throw was a vivid illustration of why.

6. The Vikings drafted two players from Notre Dame (safety Harrison Smith and corner back Robert Blanton) two weeks ago, bringing to five the number of Domers currently on The Purple's roster. In a radio interview on KSTP, program host Phil Mackey asked Smith, "How long before you guys put up a 'Play Like A Champion' sign in the locker room?"

7. On May 2, Twins starting pitcher Liam Hendricks was shelled by the Angels for six earned runs and nine hits before exasperated manager Ron Gardenhire came out in the third inning with the hook. En route from the mound back to the dugout, Hendricks skipped over the chalked first base foul line, apparently in a move to avert bad luck.

8. Last week the Vikings released veteran place kicker Ryan Longwell. Not only is his name perfect for the position he plays, but so is his Twitter account:
@4thand Longwell.

9. Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys died on May 4. As a tribute to that native New Yorker, all nine of the players in the Mets' starting lineup that night chose a different Beastie Boys song for their walk-up tune.

10. Chris Davis had a dreadful night as the designated hitter for the Baltimore Orioles when they played the Boston Red Sox on May 6. He went hitless in eight at bats, as the game went seventeen innings and lasted six hours and seven minutes. Those ABs included five strike outs and hitting into a double play. However, Davis' fortunes did a 180 degree turn when the O's ran out of pitchers and had to turn to Davis (normally a first baseman) to pitch the sixteenth and seventeenth innings. He held the Red Sox scoreless, and was credited with the 9 to 6 Baltimore win. The losing pitcher was also a position player, outfielder Darnell McDonald, as the Red Sox ran out of pitchers too. The last time a MLB game was played between two teams which each used position players to pitch was October 4, 1925.

11. The Angels' Jered Weaver threw a no-hitter against the Twins on May 2 in Anaheim. In the history of baseball, only one pitcher, Johnny Vander Meer of the Cincinnati Reds in 1938, has ever thrown back-to-back no-nos. The Twins returned home from their disastrous west coast road trip (1 win, 5 losses, and only 8 total runs scored in those 6 games) on May 7, and had to face Weaver again that night. (It would be only the eighth time in MLB history that a pitcher's first outing following a no-hitter would be against the same opponent.) The sports world wondered if Weaver could match Vander Meer's feat. When the Twins' Erik Komatsu finally broke the ice by getting a single in the third inning, the Twins' home crowd derisively gave Komatsu and his teammates a standing ovation. Komatsu's fifteen seconds of fame did not last long. With two out in the top of the ninth inning and the game still within reach by the Twins, Komatsu dropped an easy fly ball in left field off the bat of Mark Trumbo for a two-run error, effectively icing the eventual win for the Angels.

12. With two out in the bottom of the ninth inning on May 10, the Twins' Trevor Plouffe hit a foul ball which struck the head of a woman seated in the third row of the box seats close to the plate. The woman was immediately assisted by stadium medical personnel. One pitch later, Plouffe struck out to end the game. The Toronto Blue Jays' catcher, J.P. Arencibia, went to the stands to check on the woman, and presented her with the game ball.

13. The NBA's Charlotte Bobcats (the majority owner of which is none other than Michael Jordan) finished the NBA season with a record of 7 wins and 59 losses, for a winning percentage of .106, the worst in NBA history. As of Friday morning, May 11, the Twins' record was a measly 8 wins and 23 losses. KFAN radio program host Mike Morris assessed the hapless Twins with this statement: "We are the Bobcats."

There you have it. As promised, a baker's dozen. Here is one more little gem to end this post. What follows is the answer given by WCCO TV's Pat Kessler, an expert on the state political process, to a question asked by KFAN radio host Dan Barreiro on May 8, the day following the Minnesota State House Of Representatives' approval of the Vikings stadium bill. On May 8, the Minnesota State Senate was engaged in a seemingly unending session to discuss the same topic. Dan asked Pat what could possibly remain to be said in the Senate, given the fact that the House debated the bill ad nauseam the previous day. Here was Pat's reply:

"It isn't that everything has not been said; it's that it has not been said by everyone."

If this were a political post instead of a sports post, I would point out that Kessler's clever answer is illustrative of why the legislature is sometimes accused of being a "do nothing" governmental unit.  However, such an opinion would be out of place here, so I won't even mention it.