Movie Review: "Goon"

"Goon": B. Well, I can't say I wasn't warned. Colin Covert, in his Star Tribune review of "Goon" when it opened last week, wrote, "This movie looks like athlete's feet smell." He gave it only one and a-half stars out of four. Still, I had to see it for myself, mostly because two weeks ago I found the trailer to be hilarious. My second warning occurred when the guy sitting in the row behind me walked out as soon as he'd finished his bag of popcorn, thereby diminishing the paid attendance at yesterday's matinee at the Lagoon to seven men. But by that time, it was too late. I was one of the seven!

I found myself laughing heartily at many points in the movie, and immediately feeling ashamed that my taste standards were so low. This movie is quite profane and crude, but then again, it is a movie about hockey - - minor league hockey at that! The plot involves the story of a bar bouncer named Doug (Seann William Scott) who catches the eye of the local semi-pro team's coach when he punches out the visiting team's main pugilist who has climbed into the stands to attack Doug's wise guy friend. The coach invites Doug to try out for the team. Doug barely knows how to skate, but he shows up for the tryout anyway, wearing white figure skates. He KOs four or five of his future teammates before his tryout has even begun, and presto, he makes the team!

It isn't long before Doug is promoted to the Halifax Highlanders, a low level minor league team coached by the brother of the first coach. The Highlanders need an enforcer to protect their top player, Xavier Laflamme, who is always picked on by the Highlanders' opponents. Doug The Thug attains instant celebrity.

There is a lot about this movie that is entertaining. His teammates are a blast, including the captain who can't give a pre-game pep talk without meandering into his plight as a newly divorced man, the goaltender who has glued pictures of his mother on his helmet, the player who is in pre-med and always studies in the locker room among all the commotion, the apparently gay Russians who strut around in speedos instead of jock straps, and the moody star Xavier whom Doug is there to safeguard. Doug's two coaches (played by Nicholas Campbell and Kim Coates) are perfectly cast, showing the right blend of coaching acumen while simultaneously displaying traits of being former players themselves, as is the veteran fighter Ross Rhea (Liev Schreiber) from the arch rival St. John's Shamrocks. I also enjoyed the few scenes where Doug's Jewish parents (played by Eugene Levy from the "American Pie" movies, and Ellen David) can't believe he has gone from being a bouncer to a hockey goon. Where did they go wrong? Why can't he be like their other son, the doctor?

This movie will unquestionably be compared to the 1977 hockey comedy classic, "Slap Shot." Both movies, I'm sure, give an accurate feel for what life in the low levels of minor league hockey is like: long cold bus rides to remote towns with half-filled areas, fans swearing at the visiting team, fights on almost every shift, over-the-hill players going up against young wannabees and nevergonnabees, and, of course, a girlfriend or two who love the big galloots even when there's no reason to.

"Goon" will probably be forgotten long before "Slap Shot" ever is; there was only one Paul Newman. You won't see anyone from "Goon" on the red carpet for the Oscars next year, but the fact remains that the seven of us at yesterday's matinee got a belly full of laughs, which is what we came for. There are also moments of seriousness. A coffee shop scene in which Doug and fellow brute Ross have a quiet conversation is surprisingly poignant, and just might be the highlight of the movie. This flick is definitely for guys only, and if you do go, I suggest wearing sunglasses, a fake mustache and a wide-brimmed hat to avoid recognition.